Do I Still Want to be Here?
A year ago I was an FTOC (first time on campus) student, and I wrote my first article for The Commentator titled “I Didn’t Want to be Here.” It was an opinion piece regarding my original apprehensions about coming to Stern, my exuberance after orientation week and my claim that Stern was definitely the right choice for me. Now, a year later, the question hangs in the air: Is Stern still the right choice?
I will not sugarcoat it — last year was not easy. I had to find new roommates halfway through the year, and Stern housing gave me a lot of trouble (a saga for another time). The rooms are also not beautiful, despite my claim that they were in that article. In fact, when my mom came to unpack me (for the second time), she said “Oh, they haven’t even changed the furniture since I’ve been here!” Additionally, at the risk of exposing myself as the most basic Ashkenazi Jew, I confess that I had a very hard time with meals last year because I am dairy-free, and I do not eat fish. Those two restrictions left me with not a lot to eat in the caf and hundreds of dollars lost at the end of the year (yet another saga for another article).
Also, not to beat a dead horse, but the Shabbat life was nothing to fantasize about. Furthermore, for all of my pomp and circumstance about upper classmen and teachers reaching out and offering to help, I nevertheless struggled academically. Being a biology major ended up placing me in a tense, competitive environment that was not great for my mental health or self-esteem. I did not know real fear until I stood outside a classroom before a chemistry exam. I know several students who had such a hard time that they transferred schools.
Before you jump the gun, no, this is not an article about my imminent transfer to Binghamton University. However, it is an article about little FTOC Ellie facing a reality check — Stern College for Women is not perfect. At this point you may ask me — what is Stern’s saving grace? What makes you want to stay? To that, my dear readers, I have two magic words: perspective and attitude.
To truly explain what I mean, allow me to tell you a mashal from my year in seminary. I was in an only-Hebrew Yirmiyahu shiur with three other girls, and it was awful. Our rav was tough, it was hard to follow and there was a constant flow of unanswered questions falling out of our rav’s mouth and into our laps. I truly dreaded that shiur, but I could not leave because like I said, there were only three other girls. That all changed the day two of the girls came to a brilliant epiphany. They said, “Let’s just choose to like the shiur.”
Granted, when they said this they didn’t mean to miraculously change their feelings, but they did decide to change their approach. From that day on, we asked questions when we were lost and answered our rav’s questions even though we were wrong 99.9 percent of the time. Eventually, our desire to enjoy the class combined with our effort allowed us to look forward to the shiur.
It is with this attitude that I approach Stern. I think where a lot of students fall short is that they go in with the fixed mindset that it will be miserable. However, I found that when you put in effort, Stern has a lot to offer. For instance, halfway through last year, I decided to join zumba classes, a program that happens every Tuesday night. It was a lot of fun and a great way to exercise and socialize. Every time the Broadway Club offered tickets to a show, I made sure to buy them, and because of that I saw five shows last year. Moreover, since YU is small, I get to play an active role in a lot of clubs on campus.
I complained about the Shabbat life. Last year, I reached out to some friends, and we all decided to stay in for Shabbat together, and we had an amazing time. When the biology environment became too much for me, I decided to start a study group with my friends. We ate fun snacks and drew on white boards. The nights I spent studying with them for General Chemistry are some of my favorite memories from last year.
Most importantly, because Stern is so small, I — and every one of you — have the opportunity to make changes on campus. I respect that it is not easy to do that, but I see change every day. Just this year, YU introduced catered Shabbat meals, which I can attest is not even comparable to the food last year.
I have grown to love Stern, and this summer I found myself looking forward to coming back. I love the friends I have made here and the community I have become a part of. I love the unique experiences that Stern offers us by being in the city, like seeing Broadway shows or going to visit the High Line at sunset. I love that I get to have Torah built into my week. I love that I get to contribute to the community in a way that really impacts it, like being an editor on The Commentator and being a part of BCSG (Beren Campus Student Government).
I know that at the end of the day, changing your attitude does not work for everyone, and it does not have to. YU does not have to be the school for everyone. I can admit that I still have hard days, but who doesn't have hard days? To quote Ellie Weisberg from 2024, “I’m not sure Yeshiva University is right for everyone, but I know now that it is right for me.”
Photo Caption: Beren Campus
Photo Credit: Yeshiva University
