You Want to Be on Your Phone Less

In the introduction to “Mesillat Yesharim,” the Ramchal writes that he is only telling you things you already know. I am here to do the same: You want to spend less time on your phone.

Although many of us may not acknowledge it, this is a feeling we all have. Personally, I have had the desire to minimize my phone usage for years. My parents gave me a phone at the end of eighth grade, and although I was not a kid who was glued to my phone every second of the day, I used it for multiple hours a day on mindless entertainment for the next two years. Eventually, I gathered the strength to make a change in my life, and for the past two years, my average screen time has been 15 minutes a day. I have asked many of my friends whether they also want to spend less time on their phones, and many of them said yes. 

Last year, I started a program called Cutting Screen Time to help people decrease their phone usage, and without too much advertising, 60 people signed up! The program was three weeks long, and every week I would send out a set of instructions. The first week was focused on recognizing the urge to pull out your phone and rewiring your brain to not immediately give in by putting a rubber band around your phone or changing your background to a reminder to not be on your phone. The second week was focused on removing the distracting apps from phones, or at least making them inconvenient to open and use. The third week focused on creating separations from phones: first for a few hours, and if they wanted to, an entire day (in addition to Shabbos). 

Although many made the commendable decision to sign up, the next step is where we all hit a roadblock — we struggled with actually lowering our screen time. Personally, I tried many different techniques, such as setting time limits, deleting apps and leaving my phone on “Do Not Disturb,” before finding one that worked: leaving my phone in a different room. What I experienced was truly life-changing: the mental disconnect from my phone by being in a different room, paired with the impossibility of immediately accessing my phone, significantly reduced my urge to be on my phone. 

A majority of the people who signed up for my program struggled to complete even the first step of the process I described — putting a rubber band around their phone or changing their background to one that discouraged continued usage, such as a black-and-white photograph or a non-personalized option.

You have every reason in the world to be on your phone: Phones are very useful and incredibly addictive. But, as we all know and feel, the attachment we have to our phones is hurting us, and it cannot go on. Yes, phones are great for talking to loved ones far away, for connecting with long-distance friends and for learning new things, but this is where the benefits end. Studies consistently reveal the relationship between the ever-more apparent mental health crisis and the introduction of social media and smartphones into society.

We have all experienced this on a personal level. If you pay attention to your feelings after using your phone, you may notice, like I have, that you are more tired and sad than before. This is not a coincidence. Your phone does that to you.

Moreover, many of us have probably noticed that even without going on our phones, we cannot focus on most tasks. Research has shown that simply having a phone in one’s pocket or seeing one’s phone during a test will cause them to perform significantly worse than someone who cannot see their phone.

Phones are also ruining our sleep and morning routines. We are all familiar with the way we can plan to go to sleep at 11 p.m., then haphazardly watch or scroll for “a little bit,” before lying in bed, unable to sleep due to the blue light and bombardment of images. We all hate what our phones do to us, but we are helpless against them. Recognizing the problem goes a long way. 

One last thing that we already know: All the time we spent on our phones could have been spent in many more productive ways. I once heard of someone who was asked what they could have done instead of watching an hour of TikToks about other people baking cakes. After pondering the question and coming to a realization, they responded, “I could have baked my own cake.”

So, what can you do about your phone? Set a reasonable amount of time you want to spend without your phone daily and try to reach it. Keep trying new techniques until you find some that work. Let your friends know about your methods, so maybe you can have a community of support as you navigate this journey. Throughout my personal journey, I found these three things to be very effective: Switching my phone to black-and-white mode, turning off all my notifications except for phone calls and placing my phone in another room when I want to focus. These simple things turn your phone from something to use with dread to a tool that you get to control — not the other way around. Ultimately, becoming the master of your phone will lead you to a happier and more fulfilling life. When you win back the hours your phone steals from you, you can take ownership of your time. When you beat the machine, you can start baking your own cakes. 

Photo credit: Mohamed Hassan

Photo caption: We all hate what our phones do to us, but we are helpless against them