It Doesn’t Hurt To Be Kind

9 a.m. on a Monday morning means one thing: I’ll be ignored for hours. With a smile on my face and a greeting for everyone that walks into the Stern lobby, I sit at a YUPAC or Active Minds table promoting events and initiatives. I truly love what I’m doing. It gives me immense joy to spread awareness for initiatives that make a difference in the lives of Jews across the globe. But tabling — an experience that should be filled with hope and commitment — is replaced by embarrassment and belittlement.

The three most common words that I hear when tabling are: “no,” “sorry” and the infamous silence (accompanied by avoidance of eye contact). All I do is sit at a table and say hello. Occasionally, if it seems that the person in front of me is open to more, I explain what the table is about. And even more occasionally, I’ll get to the next step where they will come closer to the table and listen. 

I often contemplate how difficult it must be to just say “yes.” How hard is it to scan one QR code? But I try not to judge. Avot teaches us to be dan l’chaf zechut: give the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps they have run out of storage on their phones? Maybe they can’t waste the 20 seconds it takes to scan? There are reasons why people may be unable to take part in the table. 

But these circumstances, these very reasonable circumstances, don’t permit rudeness. If I approached a girl in the caf about a program, they would be attentive and friendly. However, once I am sitting behind a table, the same rules don’t apply. I am often given a hand-to-the-face or a cold “no,” simply because I am sitting behind a table, a barrier that blocks off my humanity from theirs.

Judaism is built upon the value of chesed. While chesed can mean charity, it also means acts of kindness. The Talmud (Sukkah 49b) says that performing charity is greater than giving all of the korbanot (ritual sacrifices), and that performing kindness is even greater than charity.

It’s no wonder that Eliezer chose a wife for Yitzchak based on who would act with kindness. Rivka was chosen to be a mother of the Jewish people because she went above and beyond to treat a stranger with kindness. It’s no wonder that Rut, who was characterized by her chesed towards Naomi and Boaz, gave birth to the Davidic dynasty. Kindness is a core value in Judaism. Even more so, the Gemara (Yevamot 79a) says that one of the distinguishing marks of a Jew is performing acts of kindness. To be a Jew is to be kind. 

In addition to the Jewish value, kindness has psychological and physiological benefits. According to licensed professional counselor Dr. Steve Siegle, being kind to others is beneficial for the body and the mind. He writes that “kindness has been shown to increase self esteem, empathy and compassion, and improve mood. It can decrease blood pressure and cortisol, a hormone directly correlated with stress level … Physiologically, kindness can … [boost] levels of serotonin and dopamine … [which] produce feelings of satisfaction and well-being, and cause the pleasure and reward centers in your brain to light up. Endorphins, your body’s natural painkiller, also may be released when you show kindness.” Being kind to others is being kind to yourself.

Although kindness is good for the person who performs it, we must not forget that kindness is about transcending your own desires. It’s about caring about others. It’s about making others’ lives better, not your own. As Mr. Rogers said, “Being kind means responding to the needs of others — and people can be kind, no matter how old or young we are.”

Every person that sits behind a table in the lobby is a human being. We are students just like you. Push aside the large barrier that the table creates, and just be kind. Smile. Say hello. It doesn’t hurt — in fact, it helps! It helps both yourself and the person on the other side, who is just trying to make a small change in this large world.

Photo Credit: Ruti Frohlich

Photo Caption: Club Table in 245 Lobby