7 Up, 7 Down

7 Up

1. One Month Break - That’s right, FTOC’s; just got your feet wet? We’re off for a while, nice to meet you, and we’ll probably forget your names until next time.
2. Comedy Central Pundits - It’s that time of every-four-years again: election gaffes, miscues, and faux pas make late night on the slow YUDorm internet more pleasurable than usual. If you really like this stuff, move into an apartment.
3. iPhone 5—No one really knows what the new iPhone will bring. But what we do know is that we’ll all miss Steve Jobs when Tim Cook stands up to wow us with one of those crazy slideshows in his stead.
4. Bill Clinton. That speech was pretty amazing. But next time maybe don’t show up the President.
5. Shabbat on Campus. Big crowds, new board games, and lots of food have brought a new vibe to “staying in” for Shabbat. Columbia? Feh.
6. Football. Are you ready for some football? Morg lounge certainly is. Don't change the channel, or we’ll kill you. Also, big shout out to Nike on the new jerseys; well done – NFL is now super modern.
7. Fashion’s Night Out. Chic clothes, indie music, and clubbing in NYC; what else could a Yeshiva student ask for?

 7 Down

1. Rav Schachter. He managed to get under the skin of Israel-Christian relationship builders, Rabbi Riskin, and, to no one’s surprise, the Jewish Week. We should count our blessings that this happened on American soil.
2. Divrei Torah. They’re okay in general, but really? After every minyan?! Maybe come up with something a bit more substantive. Please—we feel bad for the guy who has to read them.
3. Shabbos. We remember the days when Shabbos only cost a nickel. Now it’s $25 to stay uptown and $30 to go down to Stern. That’s like, at least a 500% increase. Like, come on.
4. YUDorm – Yes, slow speed and bad reception are serious turnoffs of the new filtration system in the dorms.
5. Armstrongs. More than one Tour-de-France-win lost by a man, one beloved international hero lost by mankind. Neil—thanks for the memories. Lance—thanks for nothin’!
6. New Bricks—Construction on Rubin continues into the semester. As the environmentalist club celebrates the newly minted “green” Rubin Residence, FTOC’s are enjoying a symphony of drills and scraping into much of morning seder. Do we sense a RIETS initiative?
7. Planners. They may be useful but God, that cover is loud. How am I supposed to hear my appointments over the 80s concert turned Crack-is-Whack ad?!

The Commentator would like to apologize for the offensive comments previously published in this column. We regret the editorial oversight and any emotional distress it may have caused.