We Asked Y(O)U Answered: What is Friendship?
Friendships today take on so many different forms. Some people rely on daily check-ins, sending constant updates, memes and voice notes to stay connected. Others embody the definition of low maintenance: Weeks can pass without a single text or call and yet the second communication begins again, it feels as if nothing changed and you can pick up right where you left off. With distance and busy schedules, it’s no shock that friendships can look different from one another. With so many different ways to define a good friendship, The Commentator asked YU students what makes someone a good friend, whether distance matters and if constant communication is really needed.
Gabriella Zahavi (SCW ‘28)
Major: Psychology
I think that what makes someone a good friend is the ability to put themselves aside sometimes and fully be there for you. Good friends are people whom you trust, with whom you have mutual respect, healthy boundaries and whom you can rely on for support. Good friends love and support you through your challenges, give you advice, keep your secrets and check in on you when they see you are acting strange. Good friends truly value you for who you are, and you shouldn’t have to chase after them in order to have that relationship. It should go both ways. Good friends are hard to find.
Distance can definitely affect friendship, but I think that a truly strong friendship can withstand long distances. Thank G-d, today we have technology and can still be in touch with people, even if we are at a distance, so I think that it is much easier to maintain a connection and a friendship even with distance. It is important to keep in mind, though, that friendships where there is distance often require you to put in some more effort, but for the right people, it is certainly worth the effort.
I do not think that friendships require constant communication to remain strong, but I do think that frequent or at least consistent communication can really help a friendship remain strong. Whether it be as simple as a “Shabbat Shalom” text or phone call, or a check-in once a month, or even something deeper, such as a 30-minute weekly or 1-hour monthly FaceTime call where you update each other on how you are doing and what is going on in your lives, I think that communication is key to healthy, lasting relationships. I am not saying that if you don’t speak for a few months, you no longer have a strong friendship. I just think that consistent communication is very beneficial to both parties feeling secure, loved and valued in their friendships.
Shaya Rosenfeld (YC ‘28)
Major: Biochemistry
I think there are a few things that every great friendship has. First, friendship needs loyalty. You will always be there for your friend, and they will always be there for you, no matter what. Trust is also huge, and so is being able to be vulnerable to them. Great friends should also be able to understand each other and know each other very well.
Different people have different definitions for “friend.” For me, distance doesn’t really affect friendship, because even at a distance friendship still has loyalty, trust, vulnerability and understanding. But for some people, their definition of “friend” may mean that their friendships will be affected by distance, because maybe they view a friend as someone that you keep in touch with often or maybe as someone that you see in person often. It all depends on how you view what a friendship means to you. According to my meaning, I could still consider someone in Israel a close friend, while someone else may not.
Yishai Gross (YC ‘28)
Major: Computer Science
A good friend is someone who you know is looking out for you and someone with whom you can be comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings. In principle, distance doesn’t affect friendships. For example, I still care a lot about friends I haven’t seen in a long time. That being said, it’s definitely harder to stay updated about what a friend is up to when s/he is far away. That can make it hard to feel close. It’s definitely important that there be communication for any friendship. That way, you can continue to be invested in each other’s lives. If you aren’t up to date with what your friend is going through then it’s hard to feel passionate about being there for him/her, and that’s what kills a friendship.
Jack Warren (YC ‘28)
Major: Computer Science
On one level, a friend can be someone whose company you enjoy, though the conversations remain fairly shallow. Relationships like these often come and go. True friendship, however, is built on emotional openness and genuine connection, which allows it to exist beyond time or distance. Because of that, constant communication isn’t necessary. There are people I speak to regularly whom I’d consider acquaintances, and others I speak to only once or twice a year whom I’d call close friends.
Photo Caption: Friends holding hands
Photo Credit: Pixabay
