Trump Rally Equivalent

Thank you very much for reading this article. I love you, I really do. And you love me. I know you do, because who wouldn’t? I’m great. I’ve written two great articles for this paper. I have two fantastic internships. I attend the best Jewish University ever. But I’m willing to put everything on hold in order to write this article for this paper. Pretty great, huh?

Oh, you’re scrolling down? Closing this link? Get out of here! I don’t need you. I’ll get a hacker to shut off your computer. Just ask the many, many, the most actually, people in the university, (and probably the world, but we won’t get into that here), reading my articles.

I’m the leading writer for this paper. When people click the link to this wonderful paper- by the way, one of the best run papers in the world. The editor-in-chief, a very good friend by the way. Very, very smart and talented person. It’s people like him who I surround myself with: the smartest people in the world read my articles before I publish them. Obviously I have final say. But the smartest people. I’ve written some pretty great articles.

I want to give you the access to my knowledge in order to better form your opinion about the goings-on of the world. Who better to do that than me? I mean- students write and write and write. They write what the administration tells them to write! They are controlled by the administration of this school. Richard Joel? Controls the writers. Not all of them. Some of them. Most of them. Not me. I don’t need their ideas. I have the best ideas.

Some of the writers for this paper- they’re young and weak. They are liars. A lot of them lie. I don’t lie to you, because the administration can’t control me. I don’t need access to their information, because I’m the smartest person. I attend the best Jewish University. Still do. And when I’m an alum, I’ll donate a wing. I could donate two, but I’ll see how they treat me.

[And who’s going to pay for the wall? Mexico!]

Thank you. Thank you very much.