7 Up, 7 Down
- Adele. The hefty, upper-class beauty got well-deserved credit for her pipes and style at the Grammy’s. Takin’ home six awards—that’s what I call rolling in the deep.
- Firefighters. ‘Nough said. Everybody wishes they were one. And besides, they get to carry those sick axes around YU all the time.
- The Artist. The black-and-white, silent film wowed audiences and aficionados, raking in five academy awards including best picture. Go see it but please, don’t bring your girlfriend; the awkward silences are deadly.
- Babies. Mazel Tov to Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck on the birth of a baby boy. Mazel tov to siblings Michael and Rebecca and grandparents Bubby and Papa. Bris and Kiddush will follow davening.
- Santorum. Mitt Romney won caucuses in both Michigan and Arizona. Looks like Santorum will have to come up from behind.
- Lin. Lin-Manuel Miranda’s In The Heights closed last month after a long and successful run. Coming from a Puerto Rican family, this cinderella story has brought wide attention from the NY Post, pun-masters everywhere, and Knicks fans.
- Apples. Either Granny Smiths have gotten less tart or people have gotten really into Macintoshes, ‘cuz Apple’s stock just hit half a trillion bucks.
- Daytona 500. The highly anticipated annual race was shut down after a fire ravaged the limp bodies of the cars. There were hot-rods swinging everywhere, until several exploded, emitting dangerous fluids all around.
- Coke dealers. Whitney Houston has passed away. The world may never get over the loss of her amazing voice and high-end drug purchases. Perhaps The Beacon can convince them to get over it, though.
- Upper thighs. These unsung heroes are uncool when emaciated.
- Google+. Last month users were on the flailing social network for an average of 3.3 minutes. That might impress you, unless you knew that Facebook averaged 7.5 hours per user last month. +1 for the Zuckmeister.
- George Clooney. The Descendants stunk hard. Not his fault, eh?
- Up and Down. No, not us. We’re talking YU elevators. And maybe if they actually went up and down they wouldn’t be in 7 Down.
- Simchas. Congrats to Chaim Eli Sabo and Esther Lippel on their recent engagement. You two looked so happy together on OnlySimchas! — we were just chalishing. May you build a bayis neman biyisroel bimheira biyameinu amen sela va’ed.