Vote for Jimmy? (Vol. 46, Issue 2)
On November 4th, the American voter will be called upon to pull the lever for the Presidential candidate of his/her choice. However, a major problem facing many voters today, particularly many in the Jewish community, is “to vote for whom?”
For the past four years America has managed to muddle under the tutledge of our Georgian leader Jimmy Carter. Under Carter's steady leadership, the rate of inflation has only increased by about 6% since the closing days of the Ford administration. In the realm of foreign policy, how can we not forget the major role Carter played in the Iranian Revolution. Jimmy was even able to show the Shah some real American Hospitality. In Latin America, Carter has helped to remove the barbaric yoke of Yankee imperialiam from the midst of the Latin American people. Carter realized that no matter how important the Panama Canal might be to American security, we must give it up to appease our opponents.
Jimmy, our globe-trotting president, also had a major role in legitimizing terrorist control over the former British Colony of Rhodesia, which if successful, could prove to be an important precedent (maybe in the Middle East?). But the most courageous act of our President must be his heroic stand on the neutron bomb, where he decided to flip-flop on the issue of development when the Russians told him they thought it was a barbaric weapon (although our most important ally, Helmut Schmitt was double-crossed in the process).
Jimmy has also shown us that the Presidency is a learning process as well. Jimmy has learned that he must tolerate Soviet troops in Cuba and that Leonid Brezhnev does lie at times. I am sure we won't hear Jimmy Carter saying again that, “I can’t believe Leonid Brezhnev lied to me (on Soviet intentions in Afghanistan)”.
Thank God, many say, Jimmy didn’t recognize the P.L.O. After all, the P.L.O., according to Jimmy is only the equivalent of the American Civil Rights movement (which has as of yet not penetrated Jimmie’s all-white hometown church in Plains). Andy Young, Jimmy’s good friend, only met with the P.L.O. once, and only a couple of our European Ambassadors have. And have no fear! Jimmy's brother Billy is no longer engaged in questionable activity — he has officially registered himself as a Libyan Agent! Maybe Billy can use his influence to ask Mr. Quaddafi to stop giving money and bombs to the IRA, Red Brigades, Red Army, the P.L.O. and the rest of Terror International Inc. Maybe Mr. Quaddafi won’t allow our Embassy in Tripoli to be destroyed next time he unleashes his people on an Anti-American protest.
Really, when one gets down to it, we should be happy that Jimmy's human rights campaign only alienated a few of our allies — after all, who needs Brazil, Argentina, Chile, South Korea and Iran anyway! We didn’t even have to break any defense agreements with them as we so nobly did with Taiwan. I mean, Red China only has about twenty million people in slave labor camps — that’s not too bad a ratio out of 900 million. And of course we should be grateful to Andy Young for pointing out that we here in America have political prisoners too!
Neither can we forget that under Carter's tutlege, our military has some units ready for action if trouble starts. We can see, as demonstrated by our good try in Iran, that our troops are ready to fight anywhere, anytime — but accidents do happen.
Jimmy is morally a fine person too. When he feels strongly about an issue, he speaks out. Thus, when he implies that Ronald Reagan is a racist, Jimmy quickly assures us that Ronnie is not really a racist (how many people defend their opponents like that?). And Jimmy, as we all know, being a religious man, hopes to get the hostages out of Iran as soon as possible — preferably by November 4th, the first anniversary of their captivity. Wouldn't it be nice to have the hostages home so soon!
Jimmy's great record does not stop here. His support for Israel is well known. There may be some disagreements on policy and borders — but we are assured that Tel-Aviv will always stay
under Israeli sovereignty. Mr. Reagan, on the other hand seems to favor “Zionist Expansionism” which Carter firmly opposes in the name of self determination (sounds like the German call for self determination in the Sudentenland in 1928).
How can we pass up the chance to re-elect such a great president? How can we vote for Mr. Reagan, a man who stands against most of the things Jimmy stands for? How could we vote for a man who would offend our good friends Fidel and Leonid? How could we vote for a man who would ignore the commercial benefits of the opening of China in favor of sticking to a small isolated ally who would soon be off the map anyway? How can we vote for a man who would offend the Arabs by calling the P.L.O. merely a terrorist organization which does not represent anyone except a few bloodthirsty leaders? I think the choice is clear.