Dorm In Uproar As Snake Hisses; Stalks Floor (Vol. 1, Issue 3)

What looked very much like an advanced case of delirium tremens visited RIETS Hall, otherwise the Yeshiva dorm, in the guise. of a monster, green-eyed serpent of unidentified variety last week. 

Principals in the occurrence are somewhat hazy with regard to details, but: it is an unquestioned fact that a member of the Order Reptilia did stalk the third floor 3 o'clock in the morning. Estimates of the size of the nocturnal visitor vary from six inches t three feet, according, to the relative imaginative scopes of the obsérvers, but there can be no question “about the amount of noise made by the unfortunate in whose room the slithering snake chose to make its “umble abode”.Although he shall be mercifully nameless, in reportorial zeal it is impossible to overlook the fact that his agonized cries aroused the whole floor. 

And after the disturbance they all insisted that nobody had touched a drop…  tsk tsk…